No commoners here thank you

COUNCIL PASSES MINIMUM STANDARD MEASURES
From our social correspondent, Simon Yottee-YarYar
At a recent meeting of Posonby town council, the following measures were proposed and approved, all unanimously:
That the plans for the new bus station be rejected forthwith. Proposing the measure, Lady Gertrude Beeday said, "Buses give out entirely the wrong message. They are simply too common and too dirty. My chauffeur, Wellersby, travelled on one once, and had to share a bench-type seat with someone else. Imagine the embarrassment! Everyone round here rides horses anyway"
That guards be posted on all entrances to the town, armed with shoe-cleaning materials, and a fitted tailoring service.
Said Sir Quentin Topphat, "It's important that people visiting our town should be dressed appropriately - Barbour jackets at a minimum. We have a dress code to maintain, and it will not be lowered by common-as-muck johnnies who think it's acceptable to go anywhere in so-called 'casual attire'. Casual attire leads to casual living which leads to all sorts of ills - that's what I say... We'll also be issuing search warrants for all items of denim and 'training shoes' which will be confiscated from the town's residents... One of my fellow councillors was horrified to see someone in an open-necked shirt last week. It could have easily triggered her heart murmur. And her doctor, Dr Barrington-Browne, was away on his yacht at the time."
That the new Wimpworthey housing estate be devoid of numbers.
"Houses being numbered is a necessity for city people and council houses," said Lord Forsthye-Smythe of Snobston Hall. "All of our existing houses have names, and Wimpworthey would do well to ensure their plans fit in with the fine character of our town. Otherwise they might find... ouch, er, excuse me, I need another cognac..."
That all new residents be required to pass a language exam
Said Mrs Hyacinth Stuckup, "Some people seem to find it socially acceptable, and even endearing, to use slang and other indolent linguistic devices, but we simply do not want any of their sort round here. This town has only just recovered from the failure of last year's Year 2 class to correctly pronounce all their five syllable words in their elocution exam."
Concluding business, the chairman, Sir Kingsley Tite-Buttock, remarked: "This has been a wonderful evening. These measures will ensure the riff-raff is kept well away from Ponsonby, and we can all get back to our palaces, relax on our Waldorf Chaise-longues, and eat our personal chef-made, butler-brought, hors d'oeuvres in peace. And my wife wishes to remind you all of the open invite (Upper Ponsonby residents only) to the Lobster-tasting event at our home this weekend."

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Comments

[Lady Gossington-Smythe]

What?! Argos in Lymington - quite preposterous! And as highlighted by the article - Argos don't specify where they get their eggs or meat from - appalling lapse of public service. And as for selling 'that ilk' of products, as Miss Redman puts it, well, one can only imagine what kind of shocking moral misdeamenors will be encouraged. Before you know it, Starbucks will be in on the act and then where will they be?!